I'll Let These Words, Summarize It.

How do I write a new blog when I only feel the urge to isolate.  

When I would rather keep my vulnerability and words to myself.  

I was tired of being the girl who always lead with her heart first in every situation. 

I wanted to be able to write from a place of gratitude and love, when it came to talking about this past year.   In being able to do that, I needed to take some space for myself and find a way to let go of all that I had let disrupt my peace.  

Choosing to be open and vulnerable wasn’t going to be my first step.  Well I guess in a way it was going to need to be my first step, if I wanted to get out all that I was feeling.   I wrote it all down in a few different places; my notes, and in a few word documents.  

I went back and forth,  I wanted to write everything out that I was feeling, and then I didn’t want to share it.   I didn’t want to write from anger…and a place of feeling hurt.   Mainly because I didn’t want to say anything in a blog that I would later fully wish I could take back.  I wanted to be able to open my mind, before opening my mouth here.  

Reflecting back on a lot of this past year,  I felt like I may have been a bit too naive with what I had happening right in front of me, and instead of acknowledging it, I kept allowing it to happen.  It was as if I was willingly wearing blinders the whole time.  

I tend to isolate a lot more,  and I tend to keep to myself a lot more, when I feel like I have put myself out there to far.   So I stay out of the way.  Mainly due to the fact that, I feel like if I don’t do that I will go back and forth between excessively talking, to not talking at all.   

This last year I shifted my focus. I only wanted to focus on what I had going on right in front of me.   At the start of last year I’d say a lot of different things transpired; and I allowed all of those things to consume my mind.  I let it all pile up.. until it all became too much mentally.  

I had felt like my vulnerability was taken for granted.   I no longer wanted to be open, and considerate when it came to others.  My mind had me thinking every time I was vulnerable I seemed to get stepped on and used (in all capacities).  And I didn’t want to share my thoughts, or my writing anymore with anyone at all.  

Everything I was writing just kept circulating on repeat.  So it was like I couldn’t release any of it.   So I stopped writing.  I stopped journaling.  I did try and pick it back up a few times… I would sit in front of a blank page and have nothing to put down.  Not even a single word.  So I stopped.  

As much as I try not to lead with an open heart.. I still do.   But I did learn, to limit the access to me and my energy.   If people didn’t reach out to get together or catch up,  I didn’t either.    I provided distance between myself and a handful of other people. I think the best lesson I learned this past year was that I didn’t have to respond to others, I didn’t have to feel bad for not picking up my phone.. because they didn’t seem to feel bad when the roles were reversed.  When you take a step back and reevaluate your priorities and what is important to you.. you tend to notice a handful of things.  The lack of consideration by others was heavy, the lack of consideration spoke volumes.  And eventually I found clarity in that.   

Family was heavy on my mind last year; and being fully present with them was high on my list of priorities.   

Action in my business, and time with family.   I mean lucky enough for me,  the individuals who were causing the disruption to my peace took themselves out of my life anyway.  

You know that quote “Stop watering things that were never meant to grow in your life” .. or something like that.   As soon as I did just that.. it was as if I had been holding the door wide open .. the exit was quick.

As I mentioned, last year ended up being very, step back and focus on family.   My time was spent with family, clients, or friends who I consider family.  I’ve barely talked to or even saw anyone outside that.  This last year, had really emphasized the importance of all the little things.  My perspective and priorities shifted a great deal.  I stopped putting so much focus into things that I didn’t need to.  I started putting all of my focus into areas of my life that needed it most.  

I think this last year could be summed up with a one line message I received towards the end of 2024.    … it lived rent free in my mind.  It etched itself in there. 

“She said, Just ask Berkeley, she will always follow through and be here”

Which leads me to changing the focus of this blog. 

I believe in sharing love and kindness

I do believe in showing up and supporting those I love and care about regardless if it’s reciprocated.

Heck I believe that, to be true for strangers I interact with in my day too. 

This last year, I learned to respect my own time, and to observe, not absorb.  I think I lost that a little bit throughout the year, so it was good to come back and remember it.  

Once I finally let go of all the negative from last year, I only wanted this blog to be about how 2024 holds some of my favorite moments and memories.  

In the littlest of moments this last year, I learned so much more on the value and importance of time, and love.    I learned so much more on what it feels like to help someone reach the tiniest little goals or milestones.   There are so many memories from the start to the end of 2024 that I absolutely will not ever forget.    There were so many beautiful moments, which, left me with beautiful memories.  

Words to include and think about for this up coming year: Transparency, honesty, loyalty, consistency, character, intention, presence, kindness, time, love..

...

I think its is so very important to tell those in your life..that you value and spend your time with.. how much you do care about them, and what they mean to you. 

Present Moments, should be treasured and cherished, just as much … if not more, then those moments when you start feeling nostalgic about your past memories.  

Being fully present in a moment, and allowing yourself to fully connect with the beauty in it.. is something you will never forget.  Trust me.   

A hand full of Conversations, Experiences, and opportunities from 2024, l will cherish and remember for the rest of my life.  

I guess all of this to say.. I couldn’t get past all of the negative and unwell things from last year until I allowed myself the space to fully release them.   Taking a step back outside of myself and refocusing, reflecting, reseting.. to bring myself back to what I truly loved about last year.   

My heart may have felt pain, and I may have endured a great deal of loss last year but I also gained so much more in life.  

with a grateful heart always.

xoxo

Berkeley